Confused Heart, Undecided Heart
by Snipress Raven
Summary: Just when Yuki & Shuichi is about to start a new chapter of their lives together, a forgotten past is unearthed. Dreams gave hints & papers provide the proof on a truth long forgotten & kept in the deep recesses of the mind, threatening the lovers apart
1. Track 1: Dreams

**Disclaimer:** Dont own Gravitation characters, wish I could. Please bear with me this is my first fic.

**AN: **This story has been sitting inmy mind for 1-2 years in my head, had written the first part on my PDA but hadnt been proof read or anything. I have been planning to write at least the first 3 chapt before posting this but since I had time while waiting for the seige (I'm also addicted to a online MMOPRG game )to start, might as well post the chapter I have completed. I'd appreciate a review to improve the story. Thx!

**Edit** I just edited the first 4 chapters and made some minor changes or added some minor thing. I noticed the mistakes that I made and made the changes. I would also like to apologize for it has been a while sine I updated this fanfic. I have chapter 5 planned out and on the works to be typed up and chapter 6 is partially planned. Thx for the readers of this fanfic (smile)

**CONFUSED HEART, UNDECIDED HEART**

**Track 1: Dreams**

"_Shuichi, come on." The girl in front of him called out as the sound of the school bell reached them. The ringing of the bell tells the students that they have 15 minutes left until homeroom._

"_Come on we are going to be late, class presidents should never be late you know." A familiar voice called from his left shoulder as a pair of hand took his hand and ran along with him, keeping up with the pace set by the girl in front of him. Shuichi turned his head to see his sister smiling at him while he tried finishing the half-eaten toast he held in his other hand._

_The three reached their lockers, incidentally next to each other, with 10 more minutes to spare. Giving a minute to catch their breath before heading to their respective classrooms, Maiko told his brother, "Aniki, next time you decide to stay up late at least have the decency to wake up on time in the morning, especially if the following day is a school day."_

"_You know that I only stay up late for two reasons."_ _He said in a low voice as he slowly donned on his public serious/mysterious-loner-yet-magnetic mask. "One, to study for an extremely important __**and difficult**__ exam which only happens a few times." His sister sweat dropped for all of the subject her brother's subject is soooo advanced all of them are difficult for her. If she is the one taking them, she wouldn't last a week without thinking of suicide. "Two, is for Nittle Grasper. Sakuma-sama is soooo cool." Shuichi said as his normally serious, unreadable face is replaced by a star struck one. With Shuichi's dreamy face, it's safe to bet that the reason he stayed up late was the latter._

_Shuichi is a normal person, normal in a sense that he does everything expected of him by society (the norm) and family especially his strict father. The thing that may be out of ordinary is his uncanny ability to be successful in anything he sets his mind to._

_He is always on top of his class but he is not the studious type, he can easily store information and use them at a moment's notice. He does not need to study much thus giving him time for extra-curricular activities._

_He is currently the class president of his class, pilot class, with a promising future as the next student council president. He is also a member of the glee club, for he has the most beautiful singing voice anybody have ever heard. He is also honorary member in a number of other clubs like the poetry society, bookworm, dance, art, cooking and self-defense club. He is also an honorary member in one club but in it he is only known there as the "Pink Energy". He was able to keep his identity from every body with the help of his sister and two best friends, one of which is the club's president, Hiroshi Nagano._

_Nobody outside Maiko and his two best friends know about his growing obsession with Nittle Grasper, especially to its 'heavenly' lead vocalist. His parents, particularly his father, are what you can call 'traditional' parents and loving, correction idolizing, a rock band is out of the set norm. It is for this reason that he did not openly show his growing fascination to that band._

_Nobody knew about his growing obsession, except for three certain people, for he deemed that it was not important for others to know his likes and dislikes, besides his parents might find out. And it would not do well on the public image he worked on since early grade school, with the urging of his father, to be forever perfect. If people knew about him 'worshiping' a rockish band especially its god-like vocalist, he'd be done for._

_He was snapped from his thoughts of Sakuma-sama's attire last night (a white frilly shirt buttoned only at the breastbone and left open on other places showing his smooth skin and flat stomach, a tight fitting black leather pants and a black cowboy hat), during Nittle Grasper's last concert, when Maiko slammed her locker closed, her things already in her hand and her bag in the locker; same goes with the blond girl standing by her locker waiting for him for it has become their habit to go to the classroom together (since they are in the same class)._

_It was said Nittle Grasper is breaking up for some unknown reason. He desperately wanted to go that concert; he had the money to purchase the expensive tickets but could not find a way to slip out without being caught, so he contented himself with watching the pay-per-view live broadcast._

_He quickly opened his locker and gathered everything he will need before dumping his bag in the locker. While closing his locker, he heard Maiko sigh and say, "Next time you do that, I'll leave you at home. You're the most responsible person I have ever known but when it comes to Nittle Grasper you're the exact opposite, you become this irresponsible person that I never knew existed in you." She shook her head then checked for the time, 5 more minutes. Before heading for her classroom, she faced Shuichi's girl best friend._

"_Thank you for putting up with us, especially with my brother. I wonder how you can tolerate this brother of mine, with all his 'masks', because if I were in your shoes, I'd have walked away since meeting him the first time that day when you moved next door." She added a wink, indicating that she was only kidding, before running to the direction of her classroom._

_Shuichi was about to answer the 'insult' but caught the wink and just smiled at his sister's retreating form. Even though they are always bickering or getting into verbal fights at home or with the privacy of people Shuichi has allowed to be close to him, he loves his sister very much and would give anything, his life even, to protect and save her from any harm and he knows she would do the same._

_Nodding at the blond girl, he headed to their classroom with her by his side, letting him lead the way. He smiled warmly at her. "Don't mind what Maiko said earlier, she's just angry that I almost made her late that can ruin her so-far perfect attendance record; as if I would do that to her." He said with a wink. "But she actually made a point. How can you tolerate me, the many me—the real me? I mean there are times that I drained Hiro's patience because of it and to think he knows me longer than you did… even I –" Shuichi was stopped on his would be tirade by a finger pressed against his lips, gaining his silence._

_They just reached the partially opened door to their classroom, some of the early morning chatter spilling onto the hallway. The blond faced him with smile on her lips as she removed her finger from his lips, leaning closer to him so she could whisper on his ear—not wanting anybody to hear their conversation especially the whole class that is just a few feet away._

"_I didn't actually mind it actually made me happy for it shows that I'm privileged enough to have your sister's acceptance of me, I've heard of some stories you know, given the circumstances. And I can _tolerate_ you, because I know the real you and the reason for all those masks. It is for those reasons why I like you; it shows you are not this _perfect_ person everybody thinks." She pulled back and started to head into the room; she paused and looked at him over her shoulders. "Besides, I have been around you and Maiko for so long that I'm used to your 'fights'." Her voice was still low enough for only Shuichi to hear._

_He smiled at what she said, a feeling, not to foreign to him, suddenly filled his heart at the sight of her lips pulled to a sweet smile._

_Grabbing her hand, he pulled her back into the hallway. "Wait, I have been meaning to ask you this and you can say no… you don't have to do this… if you don't like to… and I'm not asking you because I heard you don't have any partners yet but because… you see uhmm… would you go to the prom with me?" He blurted out the last words, afraid that she'd say no when he wants her to say yes._

_She was silent for some time, "The reason why I don't have anybody to go with yet is because I'm waiting for you to ask me. You know, I will only go to the prom if I'm with you." He gave a big whoop (a rarity for his 'personality' to do this kind of action in public) and sobered down as he realized that he's out in the public not in the privacy of his friends' ( Hiro and the blond) or his sister's presence. He then spied the homeroom teacher down the hall._

_Putting a hand at the small of the blond's back, he propelled her into the room as he called for the class to stand to greet their teacher._

Shuichi opened his eyes, jerked awake by Yuki's arm snaking around his waist to pull him closer until he felt his lover's chest against his back. His mind still on the dream that seems so familiar, it's as if he just watched part of his past. He tried to recall all about the dream but his brain just then chose to store it away—away from his mental reach.

Yuki, in his sleep, tried to snuggle Shuichi closer to him, his hand tightening on his waist. "I love you Shuichi." He said in his sleep, burrowing his face in Shuichi's strawberry scented hair. Shuichi smiled, the events earlier pushing the remnants of his dream from his mind but his mind is still unconsciously trying to remember the people in his dream. He snuggled closer to Yuki, enjoying his warmth on his back, drifting back to sleep with the smell of both their scent with the musk of crushed and heated roses filling his senses.

_He's in a ballroom, not too large but not too small, decorated in shades of brown and purple. A score or more of tables are set for dinner with beautiful centerpieces following the 'brown-purple' Asian motif. A center table near the stage is decorated with the same color but with a few more whites. Buffet tables are located on either side of the room, long tables decorated with the motif in mind, groaning under the weight of food placed on it._

_A number of people walked about talking, socializing, sometimes calling out to him and the blond beside him, congratulating them about something. He would just smile and mingle some more, drinking a glass of champagne he would get from a passing waiter._

_He reached with his left hand for the silk-covered hand placed on his arm. Looking at the same direction, he admired his partner once again._

_She had her long blond hair piled up on her head, a few pale lavender ribbons weaved through it. She is wearing a simple yet elegant white dress accentuated at certain places by the same pale lavender color. She wore only light make-up, enhancing her already beautiful features. A pair of dangling earrings and a matching necklace graced her ears and neck. _

_He himself is dashing in his formal suit. He had on a classic black tux, over a crisp white shirt and a tie the same color as the ribbons on her head. A rose bud the same hue as his tie is placed on the breast pocket of his suit._

_In another part of the room, the now least populated part, a white gazebo stood; covered with green vines twined with white roses. Several strategically placed white candles bathed the area with soft light along with the strings of light twined among the vines. _

_Earlier, this area was set-up as the photo-op area but the party is dying down; only a few people remain, dancing to the music played by the hired band. They are currently playing a romantic version of 'Sleepless Beauty'. He led his partner to the gazebo as the band played the first notes of the song. _

_At the center of the gazebo, he pulled her to him. "Shall we dance?" Not waiting for an answer, he started swaying with the song; his partner matching is every step. For a time, they stayed this way, it was only for a couple of minutes but for him it seems an eternity. Shuichi sometimes sang along, his soft voice reaching only her ears, expressing with the lyrics of the song his feeling for her. They reluctantly pulled away from the dance when the band began playing livelier songs but they remained in the gazebo still surrounded by the soft, romantic light enjoying the privacy they have not been able to have earlier that night._

_Unable to help himself, he caressed her cheeks as he looked into her eyes, his feelings for her showing in his eyes. "I will always love you." He said before leaning down to kiss her. Pulling from the kiss he continued, "I can never live without you by my side," his lips a breath away from hers. He breathed a promised against her lips, his soft voice only heard by the blond; he smiled sweetly at her then sealed it with a kiss._

"_I love you, Yu—" The rest are drowned out by the band's music, only the one in his arms heard the rest._

It has been his routine to wake up before dawn since Shuichi convinced him to let the pink-haired singer of _Bad Luck_ to live with him. He had always been up early in the morning even before Shuichi came into his life and as for his lover well, his job often called for tiring work until late at night and its good enough reason for Yuki to let him as much sleep as much as he can before going to work. With this in mind, he would prepare breakfast for him and wake him up to get ready for work 30-45 minutes before he needs to leave.

It has always been like that in the morning for 3 years and that early morning was not different as Yuki woke up even before the sun rose from the east.

Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he automatically checked for the time. _6:00 AM_. After a minute, he sat up intending to get up and wash and prepare breakfast. He just planted his feet onto the cold floor, sending shivers up his body, when a pair of arms snaked around his waist, its owner unconsciously pulling the novelist closer to him.

"Stay." Shuichi said in his sleep, wriggling even closer to Yuki's warmth.

Given the night they had, he followed Shuichi's sleepy request. He sat back on the headboard and shifted Shuichi so that he can have his arm around Shuichi's shoulder. His lover's pink head on his chest, exactly over his heart, Shuichi's left arm lay across his waist.

They stayed this way for a while; Shuichi in a deep sleep while Yuki is fully awake, content in their current position and the way things are with Shuichi. He stared off into space, his mind busy planning his future with the one beside him. He placed his right hand, onto the hand on his stomach, searching out a certain finger; the finger that held all their promise, love and future. Something cold is placed on it, yet it was warm where metal met skin.

Warmth, the coldness of metal and skin, these things reminded him of the events the previous night and his dreams for the not too distant future.

**TBC**

review is very much appreciated.


	2. Track 2: Birthday Surprise

**Disclaimer:** Gravitation is not mine.

**AN:** Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry... it took me a long time to post. I think 1 month passed before I posted this 2nd chapter. Actually I finished this 3 weeks ago (I think) but I didn't have the time to type it up, blame it on Ragnarok and the modified experience. To make up for it, this chapter is longer, I think almost 2x longer. Enjoy. BTW pardon Yuki's OOC-ness... you'll understand the reason.

Thanks for the reviews, especially ri-kun. Ri-kun, sorry this chapter is still not proof read, my sister is caught up making her character in Ragnarok level up. Hopefully she would be able to proof read the next chapters.

Also changed story to K+ for lemon, I'm not sure if its a lemon or not, I will just change it just to make sure.

**Edit** I just edited the first 4 chapters and made some minor changes or added some minor thing. I noticed the mistakes that I made and made the changes. I would also like to apologize for it has been a while sine I updated this fanfic. I have chapter 5 planned out and on the works to be typed up and chapter 6 is partially planned. Thx for the readers of this fanfic (smile)

**CONFUSED HEART, UNDECIDED HEART  
****Track 2: Birthday Surprise**

Yuki deleted the paragraph he was able to type into his laptop for the past few hours. Giving up, he saved the little work he was satisfied keeping for his new novel.

'Crap.' What he's experiencing is one what would call a major writer's block.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes, trying to ease his developing headache.

Maybe today is not his day. He had an idea of what to write but it suddenly went flying out of his mind. His muse must have decided to take a break from the dark, smoke-filled room Yuki calls office. It had been cooped up in the office with him for days now.

It seldom happens in the past for his muse to desert him like that, he experienced it a number of times since he started writing novels for a living. The last time it happened, it was a little more than three years ago, where he met an unexpected stranger.

That day he met his permanent muse, a lively pink bundle of energy. He met him in the park near his old apartment when his muse deserted him, much like what it did today, and he decided to take a breather himself.

But now both his muses are currently unavailable. One is out there maybe taking some time out from his workaholic charge. The other is currently in the NG building, working on the album scheduled to be released in three weeks.

He decided to take the rest of the day off, besides he needs to pick something up at the dry cleaners.

The dry cleaner's shop is found at the mall near their new apartment. Taking the dark shades, his constant companion when going out in the public, he headed out the door with his key card in his pocket and car keys in hand.

He arrived at the mall in five minutes. He decided to look around first before going to the dry cleaners.

He went to his usual spots. He first went to the computer shop, checking if they have hardware or software that can upgrade his already-high end laptop. He next went to some clothes shop for men, thinking of buying some suits and shirts. He took his purchases to the next store, a shoe store.

After spending a small fortune on clothes and shoes, he decided to head to the shop he came to the mall for.

On the way back to his car, he passed by a music store. Its stereo stationed by its entrance is playing one of Bad Luck's singles, _In the moonlight_. The walls are covered by a number of posters, several of them are of Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper—two of Japan's famous bands.

Right next to the music store is a jewelry shop. He would usually walk past the store but this time a poster, actually a phrase in the poster, caught his attention.

_Do something special for that __**special**__ someone. Celebrate love in it finest form. Let is last like a diamond that is forever. A personalized jewelry available upon order._

Then a number of rings were shown on the poster and many more below it in the glass display.

Yuki decided to take a look besides, it is only a month before Shuichi's birthday that conveniently coincides as their fourth year anniversary. While checking out possible anniversary gift items, a couple was looking at a row of beautiful rings encrusted with diamonds. Being near them, he couldn't help overhearing.

"Why did you take me here?" the woman asked.

"You'll see, just tell me which one do you like best?"

"Ok…" the woman said, confusion still mirrored on her face. She pointed to a simple yet elegant ring with a reasonably-sized diamond.

'This woman has good taste.' Yuki thought as he watched the couple from the corner of his eyes, sensing that something special will happen between them.

"Can we see that?" the man said to the clerk, pointing to the ring the woman beside him liked. "Do you have it with her size?"

The clerk measured the woman's ring size and handed over the ring that would fit her ring finger. "It's beautiful, it's as beautiful as my sister's engagement ri—" Her sentence ended with a grasp as she realized what's happening.

The man just smiled warmly at her, he took hold of her hand then kneeled in from of her. We have only been together for five months but it seems I've known you forever. The first time I saw you, you've already captured my heart. Now that you've allowed me into your life, I'd like to spend it with you till I take my last breath. Will you marry me?"

The woman was near tears; her free hand cupped against her lips, her eyes staring into her boyfriend's loving eyes. "Yes." She said is a whisper, still dazed from the fast development of things.

Quite unsure of her response, he stood up and leaned closer to her then asked again. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes." She answered, this time she said it loud enough for the whole store to hear.

Applause exploded, it seems that the couple got the whole store's attention. A young woman from the corner wearing a baseball cap and dark shades called out her congratulations to the happy couple.

'That's sweet.'

"That's sweet." The young woman from earlier said to the cashier as she handed over a few bills. "I wish my boyfriend would do something like that for me. And to think we have been together for almost four years. I love that guy but sometimes –" She sighed in frustration, then forgot whatever she is going to say when she spotted the jeweler she talked to earlier approaching them from the back room. He handed a few items to her, a simple chain of white gold necklace and a ring box. She opened the box and checked its contents.

"Sugoi. This looks great. Arigatou." She then left the store with her purchases placed into a paper bag.

The events in the store and what the young woman said kept replaying on his mind.

The proposal. Engagement ring. The woman's comment about having his boyfriend do something like it for her. Of them being together for about four years.

Four years. That is how long he will be together with Shuichi, his partner and love (but he hadn't said those to Shuichi yet) in one month's time. _I bet Shuichi would love something like that._ Then it hit him, the best gift he could give to Shuichi for their anniversary. They are almost to that stage of their relationship anyway. He haven't done or said anything special to Shuichi, like what happened earlier in the store, to show his true feelings to his hyperactive lover. In four short years, Shuichi had done what his family especially Touma has failed to do since that faithful day a decade ago. Shuichi melted the thick layer of strong wall of ice he had built up after that incident, with the gentle heat of his smiles and crazy antics; and with the great flame of passion and love. Now, four years after, he could hear the ice walls breaking under such pressure. Yuki realized that Shuichi became his life, he wouldn't last a day no a minute, without knowing that Shuichi will always be there with him.

The idea became better and better as his mind went on and on to convince him that it is a brilliant idea, so brilliant that it would make him happy the rest of his life. He scanned the items on the display case, his mind already set. He talked to the jeweler; he gave him special instructions along with his purchase.

As he was handed back his credit card, his purchase is handed to the cashier by the jeweler to be put into a small box.

"That was fast."

The jeweler beamed. "This one is popular today. I just finished an order just like it so it didn't take me a lot of time to finish this one."

"Souka."

The cashier put the box in a paper bag and handed it to Yuki. "Thank you for shopping with us. Goodluck, she's one lucky girl." She said then winked at him.

The cashier misunderstood but under circumstances who would have thought it was meant for a guy. Before anyone could see the heat rushing to his cheeks at the cashier's last words, Yuki quickly walked out the shop with his purchase in hand. While in his car, he then remembered the jeweler's words. 'It is popular? Someone already purchased something like it?' Yuki was about to go back to the shop to get a different one but was stopped by his thoughts. 'Why should I change it? It is perfect for Shuichi. It doesn't matter that it has duplicate copy; it's the thought that counts, right? But how I give this to him should be special.' So special that it will be forever imprinted on his lover's mind.

With a smile, he started his car and headed back to his apartment where he can plan in peace, at least for a couple hours until his pink-haired lover comes home from work.

Shuichi waved goodbye as Hiro sped away in his motorcycle. He got his key card out then entered the apartment complex.

"You're early today, Shu-chan." The guard at the front desk called out.

Shuichi beamed a smile at him. "It was a good day at work today. The boss let us out early. It must be because of the party tomorrow." He said as he passed the guard on his way to the elevator. He inserted the key card ino a slot near the elevator doors.

While waiting for the elevator, he checked his pocket for the umpteenth time for a small package, making sure it is still there. A loud ding got his attention.

'I can never get used to this elevator. Man that was fast. It only took a few seconds to get here.'

Shuichi was still used to the 'slow' elevator they had on their old apartment. Unfortunately something happened while Ryuichi visited Shuichi to 'check out his pad', in other words the apartment he is sharing with Yuki. They ended up being kicked out of the umpteenth apartment they've got since Yuki allowed him to move in and live together nearly four years ago.

By then, they've built up quite a reputation in the real estate industry that some apartment complex they've inquired into flat out refused them.

They were becoming desperate; especially Shuichi because by then they have only a week before the deadline the landlord gave them. Add to that Yuki's cherry picking among the places that were willing to let them stay at their complex. Yuki had this strange checklist before he can consider leasing a unit. What's in the checklist, you ask? He himself doesn't know. All he knows is that the unit should meet with Yuki's standards. He kept hearing Yuki mumbling it being something like, 'Shuichi-Ryuichi-whoever-proof' whenever they inspect potential units.

One day left and they haven't found anything. At this point they only have one remaining unit to see. Unfortunately, it didn't meet Yuki's checklist.

The only other option Shuichi can think about was to purchase a house but Yuki flat out refused the idea. He said he's not ready to own a house.

They were about to go back to their apartment, their plan of action: to pack the few things in the unit and store it in one of those storage warehouse then get a suite in a hotel until they can get a unit that meets Yuki's next-to-impossible checklist.

Yuki already started the car and was waiting for Shuichi to get in. For some unknown reason, Shuichi is just standing by the passenger door, his hand on the door handle. Yuki pressed on the horn to get him to hurry up. It seems that it got Shuichi's attention, he opened the door but didn't get in, instead he excitedly pointed out something on the other side of the street. "Look, look!!"

Yuki turned to the direction Shuichi was pointing at. It's one of the newly finished apartment complexes that seem to pop out everywhere. "We can check those! Its new, maybe we can get a unit there, maybe they haven't heard about us… you know…" Shuichi was unable to finish, too embarrassed for it was his fault that they are in their current predicament.

"Ok, let's go. We have nothing to lose anyway." He turned off his engine, got out and started heading to the building. Shuichi followed him after slamming the door closed and Yuki pointed a small device from his keychain over his shoulder then pressed a button. A certain sound assured him that the car was locked and secure.

They ended up leasing the penthouse suite of that apartment complex. It has everything in Yuki's checklist and even more. Though it cost him more, he signed the papers then and there. They finished the deal in the security office where they were issued the necessary keys to access the facilities in the building especially the exclusive elevator to their unit and the unit itself.

Not all units have personal elevators, only the penthouse suite. The personal elevator can only be operated if the correct key card is inserted into the slot **with** a palm scan of an authorized person.

Shuichi entered the awaiting box-like contraption and inserted his keycard then placed his hand on a panel. It only took a second then the elevator confirmed his identity. "Welcome, Shuichi." A mechanical voice called out from a number of hidden speakers. The door closed and delivered Shuichi to its only other stop, the top floor.

Shuichi got off and walked past a small reception area, where several bench and movable chairs were placed against two opposite walls. He headed straight to the front door. He inserted the keycard into yet another slot and looked into a small mirror, aligning his eyes to the lines on the mirror.

"Password please" A mechanical voice said.

"Tadaima! Shindou Shuichi desu!" The singer said with full energy. The door automatically opened while the mechanical finished, "… okari."

Yuki checked his watch the hundredth time as he swept off beads of sweat from his forehead and put on an apron. 'He is going to be home in half hour and I still need to finish some things.'

He started washing the plates, pots and pans that he used then set out to tidy up the kitchen. Giving the kitchen a last look over, he checked on the main dish cooking in the oven before going off to the bathroom to freshen up. An enticing aroma filled the room. He quickly closed the oven door and was about to head to the bedroom when a soft voice stopped him from his tracks.

"Those smell so good. What's the occasion?" Yuki turned to see his pink-haired lover lounging against the kitchen doorframe, his note in his hand and a pink rose on the other. His soft smile glowing with the candles set all around the apartment and the dimmed kitchen lights.

'Why is he here? He's supposed to be at work for 30 minutes more?' Yuki thought as his plan experienced this unexpected bump. 'This is supposed to be a surprise. I need everything to be perfect. Now it's all ruined.' He was so upset that he didn't realized that he voiced out his thoughts until Shuichi turned and threw his treasures over his shoulder, hitting Yuki on the chest before falling to the island table in front of him. The rose and crumpled note fell unceremoniously to the table where they seem to silently taunt Yuki for some wrong doing he was unaware of doing.

"Then I guess I'll return in half an hour." He looked over his shoulder, his eyes unreadable. "Sorry for ruining your plans." With that he left the kitchen and retraced his steps back to the front door.

"No wait." Yuki grabbed Shuichi's hand, pulling him back to the kitchen then stared straight into his lover's eyes. "I'm sorry, its just that you caught me by surprise. These, " he waved his arm around the room, "was supposed to be a surprise."

Shuichi tried very hard to school his face; it is getting hard to hold back the laughter threatening to bubble out of his lips. He is just pulling Yuki's leg. He had never seen his lover this serious before, as if the world ended when he found out the special surprise half an hour before the revelation. He gave Yuki a soft smile then brought up his hand to caress the side of his lover's face. "It was a surprise, a beautiful surprise. I loved what I've seen so far but I guess I ruined everything again. I never do anything right. I'm sorry."

Yuki smiled softly into violet pools filled with love. He took the hand cupped on the side of his face then kissed it. Their eyes held a few more minutes in silent communication, understanding what the other was feeling. An alarm made them break their silent conversation.

"Wait a second." With a big sigh, Yuki moved away from Shuichi removing something from the oven, his back blocking Shuichi's view of whatever it is. Though the aroma it gave off was something familiar to Shuichi.

'It smells like… is it? But only she knows how to prepare it. Could it be…?'

"Dinner's ready. Can you be a sweetheart and give me 20 minutes to clean up and prepare everything? I've been slaving in front of the stove since you left this morning and…" he made a show of sniffing at his clothes then wrinkling his nose, "… you know."

Shuichi laughed at this but instead of moving from the kitchen, he moved closer to Yuki. "I like the way you smell, you smell of everything I like. Not just the smell of – I think my favorite from the smell – food on you but your unique scent, your delicious Yuki scent." Shuichi gave Yuki a quick love bite at the base of his throat before turning away and headed to the other room. "See you in 20 minutes." He called over his shoulder as the kitchen door closed on his back.

Still in shock of what Shuichi did, it took a few minutes for Yuki to come to himself, catching himself unconsciously soothing his lover's bite. He smiled then quickly freshened up and got everything ready for the special surprise he had planned the whole month.

Shuichi sat contentedly on the couch, surrounded by the musky scent of one thousand roses and the soft music playing on the background.

He knows that today is a special day but he did not expect Yuki to do anything **this** special. But who'd complain, I mean its not everyday that the one you love, especially if you have a boyfriend like Yuki, would do things he considered 'troublesome', 'nonsense' or 'trivial rituals of love' that he expertly writes on his novel. So he was really surprised when he walked into the apartment.

**Earlier….**

He immediately noticed the soft musky scent of roses, as if it is coming from a thousand of roses. The hallway was dimly lit, the light coming from the living room. He dropped his bag on the floor beside the table near the door, and then placed his keycard on the large bowl on the table. It was then he noticed a trail of pink rose petals, he followed it into the living room.

It drew his breath away. It was set-up better than any romantic scenes he watched from movies. The Spartan living room came to life with hundreds, maybe thousands, of lit candles placed strategically all over the room. Red and white rose petals also scattered all over and a distinctive trail or pink rose petals led from the living room to the balcony. At the center of the room were vases upon vases of pink roses; a note propped on the first vase. Picking one of the roses, he enjoyed its scent as he read the note.

_Happy Birthday. Hope you liked my little surprise._

Then he flipped the top to read the message inside.

_Thousand roses for a thousand words of all the things I like and love about you; of my words of gratitude to God for sending you to me and for each day I can spend with you; for those words I long to tell you; lastly, for the happy years, months, days, hours that I may have in the future with you by my side._

"Yuki." Shuichi whispered against his hand, tears forming in his eyes. That was the sweetest thing he had ever read. He followed the pink trail that led to the balcony, expecting Yuki waiting for him there.

The balcony was also beautiful, set up just like the living room – with rose petals and dozens of candles everywhere. A table set for two sat in the middle. On the background, the beautiful night light of the city added a sense of romance in the air.

He expected Yuki to be there, maybe smoking a cigar but he was not there. He checked in Yuki's office but he was not there either. Next stop the kitchen, before he can push the swinging door, he heard some sound coming from inside. Pushing the door a bit, he peeked inside.

His back was turned towards him; he's bending over something in the over.

He couldn't help calling out, as he leaned against the doorframe then pushed the door wider. "Those smell so good. What's the occasion?"

He loved teasing him, it was the first time he saw a different Yuki, not the cold, aloof lover he had for four years.

Shuichi laid his head back, the music playing in the background sounds familiar, while waiting he tried to identify it. After a few minutes of concentration, he realized that it is a ballad arrangement of two songs merged into one, playing over and over. Those two songs are his favorites, _In the Moonlight_ and _Shining_, songs that he and Yuki composed respectively.

Shuichi suddenly had a suspicion that Touma had a hand in this. Now, what he said earlier in the office made sense. He thought he had good news regarding the sale reports of the new album they released a week ago but come to think of it why did he talk to him not Mr. K.

Shuichi smiled, 'He loves me. He really, really loves me.' His thoughts remained on that as the music lulled him to sleep.

Yuki quickly showered and put on the clothes he had laid out on the bed earlier and made sure he had the small box in his coat pocket before walking out of the bedroom. He stopped by the kitchen to finish the dessert then searched for Shuichi. He found Shuichi asleep on the couch, surrounded by rose petals and the soft candle light.

'He looks so peaceful,' Yuki thought as he sat beside his lover and placed him on his lap. Cradling him he moved to the end of the sofa, leaning against the arm rest. He closed his eyes enjoying this moment that they are together, knowing the something special is about to happen. He felt Shuichi stir in his sleep, waking up some part of him that shouldn't – at least not yet. He decided to wake up Shuichi before his plan would be spoiled by those pleasant thoughts.

"Shuichi, wake up." He said softly, his mouth a few inches from his ear. Shuichi shifted and mumbled but did not wake up. 'You asked for it, I wasn't planning to but I guess I have no choice.' Based from experience there's an easy way to wake Shuichi up. Yuki nibbled on his ear then placed kisses along his neck. He felt when Shuichi woke up, that's when he kissed him on his lips.

Shuichi kissed him back, pulling him closer. He let it go on until Shuichi's hand started going somewhere. He pulled back reluctantly resting his head against the couch. Shuichi continued kissing him, down his neck then nibbling his ear.

"Shu, stop. We can do this later." It seems Shuichi didn't hear him, he started moving down. 'God, help me.' As a last resort, he placed Shuichi on the couch and held Shuichi's head with both hands. "Shuichi, we can do this later. The dinner is getting cold. Now get your butt to that table." With one last kiss he stood up and headed to the kitchen to get the appetizer.

Dinner went well; he surprised Shuichi with all his favorite dishes especially the main course, a special roast, where he got the recipe from Shuichi's mom. Dessert was fast approaching and started getting apprehensive.

He set the plate in front of Shuichi. On it is a piece of strawberry shortcake and a small box of chocolate. On his plate is almost the same except for the box of chocolate, he had small pieces scattered all over. Seeing this, Shuichi tried to switch the plates for he thinks Yuki should get the better plate. Yuki wouldn't allow him, he even took a bite from the 'less' plate to stop Shuichi's protest.

"That's for you, now eat." He said as he watched him take a few bites of the cake.

"This is good."

"Yeah, your mom said that is one of your favorite. She even gave me the recipe."

Shuichi's mouth dropped open, his eyes as big as saucers. "You talked to my mom? Why?"

With a nod he added, "Actually I talked to your parents and Maiko, I just needed to discuss something with them."

"A-a-a-and she gave you a recipe? Of her closely guarded recipes?!"

"You sound surprised, there's first time for everything."

Shuichi ate in silence for a few minutes, finishing his cake. Yuki waited anxiously as Shuichi start on his box of chocolate.

"What are you doing talking to my family?" Shuichi asked as he started poking at the chocolate. "Are…? Is this supposed to be really hard?"

'Man, sometimes Shuichi can be dense.' Yuki smiled lovingly at Shuichi trying to break some part of the chocolate box with his fork.

"You just need to lift the top."

"Oh… OH… what's this?" Holding up a simple band set with small stones with _E to S_ then the date that day engraved inside the ring.

"Your birthday gift."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. My mind is on our anniversary. But I thought your gift was this." Shuichi said, waving his hand across the room.

"That's for our anniversary."

"Oh, this is more than I got for you." Shuichi's face fell, he met Yuki's gaze with determination. "I promise I'll get you a good one, along with what I have.

"You don't need to do that. There's only one thing I'd love to get from you and you can give it to me tonight." Shuichi's face turned beet red, jumping to conclusions (the bedroom kind). Yuki laughed. "I didn't mean that though I'd also like that." He took Shuichi's left hand, retrieved the ring with his other hand. "What do you say?" the ring poised over Shuichi's ring finger.

He saw when Shuichi finally realized what's happening, he started tearing up. "Yes." He slipped the ring on Shuichi's finger. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been so sure in my life. I love you." That was the first time he said those words to Shuichi. He thought it was going to be hard, but it was not.

"I love you too." Shuichi rose from his seat and glomped onto him, placing quick kisses on whatever his mouth can reach. Deciding that he restrained himself enough, he gave in and kissed Shuichi passionately, deepening the kiss as Shuichi kissed him back with equal passion.

Two forms lay together, spent and content, Shuichi's head pillowed on Yuki's shoulder, his free hand gently caressing the area over his lover's heart. Its steady beat lulling him to sleep. "This is the best anniversary ever, I'll never forget it. Thank you." He said against his chest, wriggling closer to him.

"It should be, I planned it that way." Yuki said, kissing his hair. "Thank you for my gift too."

Shuichi suddenly sat up. "Souka, I forgot about that." He stood up and rummaged through the clothes scattered on the floor.

"Forgot what?" He sat up to enjoy Shuichi's naked form as he looked for something.

"Your gift, I know its here somewhere."

"I already have my gift."

"No, I bought you something. It's actually funny, the one I bought looks almost the same as the one you gave me. Its here somewhere… oh here it is." He grabbed his discarded coat and retrieved a small box. "Hora."

Yuki took the box he offered. Inside it is the same ring he bought, the only difference is the size and the inscription inside the ring, _S to E_ then today's date. "It's the same as the one I got for you."

"I know, I ordered it in that store in the mall. I thought you might not want to wear it so I also bought these." He held up a chain of white gold. Before Yuki can protest, Shuichi took the ring, looped it in the necklace and placed it around Yuki's neck.

With those pieces, it suddenly hit Yuki – the young woman on the store that day. "Let me guess, you bought these when somebody made his proposal on the store."

Shuichi nodded enthusiastically. "That was sweet, I remember saying that I wish you would do something like it – it turns out you did it better. How did you know?"

"I was there."

Shuichi smacked his head, "Oh, the guy with dark shades and holding some bags. I knew I know him, it was you."

"And you were the one wearing a cap and shades. I thought you were a young lady."

"I'm getting better at my disguises." Shuichi smiled at him. He returned to his side, using Yuki's shoulder as a pillow. "Thank you for tonight. I'll cherish it forever."

"Me too, I –" Shuichi's slow and even breathing stopped him. Shuichi fell asleep on him.

Yuki was dragged from his thoughts of the previous night and the aftermath when Shuichi started mumbling.

"I will always love you… I can never live without you by my side. I love you, Yukinari."

**TBC**

review is very much appreciated


	3. Track 3: Revelation

Gomen gome gomen…. It took me 2 months (I think) to upload this. I can only blame it on my laziness and tendency to be easily distracted. So here's track 3 hope you like it.

**Disclaimer:** Gravitation characters and the story are not mine.

**AN:** I made an effort to proof read this myself but I can't guarantee that this is perfect. I'm used to reading good English not writing it ;;;

**Edit** I just edited the first 4 chapters and made some minor changes or added some minor thing. I noticed the mistakes that I made and made the changes. I would also like to apologize for it has been a while sine I updated this fanfic. I have chapter 5 planned out and on the works to be typed up and chapter 6 is partially planned. Thx for the readers of this fanfic (smile)

**CONFUSED HEART, UNDECIDED HEART**

**Track 3: Revelation **

Shuichi woke up, Yuki was shaking him.

"Huh?" part of his mind still on the dream he had. "Yuki? What's the matter?" Shuichi said sleep still evident on his voice.

"Who's Yukinari?"

"Huh?" Shuichi scratched his head. 'Where did that question come from?' He sat up raking his mind, searching for a Yukinari. Nothing, but somehow the name sound and feels so familiar. Giving up on his mental search, he shrugged. "Yukinari? I don't know anybody with that name. Should I know him?"

"I don't know, you tell me. I heard you mumbling that name in your sleep."

"Really? What did I say?"

Not wanting to remember those words or to tell them to Shuichi, Yuki brushed it away as he stood up. "I forgot, never mind. Besides, if you don't hurry up you'll be late."

A quick glance at the clock made Shuichi rush to the bathroom to get ready for work, actually most of the band's hours for that day were allocated for his birthday party organized by NG, by Touma to be exact. A few minutes later, he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He rushed to his walk-in closet as he dried his hair with another towel. Given a few more minutes, Shuichi will be ready for work.

Yuki is also dressed, sitting on the couch smoking his first morning dose of nicotine.

Grabbing his bag by the door and a big paper bag on the other, Shuichi called out, "Yuki! I'm gonna go. You'll be at the party later right?" Not waiting for an answer, he continued, "I'll be expecting you there."

Touma organized a birthday party for the singer. He said it's something he can do to celebrate Shuichi and the band's future. His future part he understood for the president knew something about last night but as for the band, the only thing that comes to mind is the success of the latest album or Touma planned something bigger for them.

"Shuichi, wait."

"Yes?" Shuichi's head popped back in.

"I'll give you a ride to work. I need to talk to Touma anyway." Yuki said his car keys already in hand.

The ride to work was uneventful since it is only a 10-minute ride to the NG building.

"Anou." Shuichi said before Yuki could unbuckle his seatbelt.

"Hmm?" Yuki turned to Shuichi who suddenly found the new ring on his finger interesting.

"Anou, I think you should know something about me. Nobody knows about this but a few people; my family, family doctor and Hiro to be exact." Taking a deep breath, Shuichi continued, "I had an episode a few years ago and lost a huge chunk of my memories. I have been working on normalizing my life since then. My family and Hiro helped me a lot but there are still some things I am unable to recall." Shuichi turned to Yuki by then and continued saying, "I am telling you this so that you can understand the favor I am going to ask from you."

"What favor?" Yuki asked though he already have an idea what sort of favor Shuichi is going to ask from him.

"I know the party later this day would be perfect to announce the big news but can we keep it to ourselves for the time being?"

"I understand, actually your parents and Maiko warned me about something like this. You would like to have all of your memories, or at least most of it, before moving on with me. Right?" At Shuichi's nod he asked, "How much time would you like?"

"I'll let you know. Thanks for understanding. I promise that even if I have my memories back or not, I'll keep my promise to you."

Yuki dropped Shuichi off at the rehearsal studio – where Shuichi started handing off one pink rose to each of the people inside, saying everybody gets one today – before heading up to the President's office.

Touma's secretary smiled up to him. "Is Touma in?" He asked, gesturing to the President's door.

"Just one minute," pushing a button on the intercom before her. She talked to it for a few seconds then glanced back to him. "You can go right in Yuki-sama."

He stepped into the office, Touma sat behind his massive desk reading some report; he looked up and smiled at his friend. "I trust that everything went well last night?"

Yuki sighed as he took a seat on the couch in Touma's office. "Yes, everything went well last night."

"Then why the big sigh and the long face?"

"He said yes but he asked for some time before we tell anybody else about it. He said he needs to do something first. Something also happened earlier this morning that bothers me. I suspect that the reason he asked for time is connected to it."

"What made you think that?" Yuki told Touma what happened earlier that morning and what Shuichi said in the car. "Ooh… I never knew about that. So, what do you want to do about it?"

Yuki was a bit surprised at Touma's question. He forgot how his friend can read him like a book. "Well, I – I mean we," Yuki corrected when he saw Touma's raised eyebrow, "don't have enough information. We can just first try checking records about this Yukinari person." Touma was about to point out something to his trouble friend when Yuki continued what he was saying. "I know there are a lot of Yukinaris out there but I trust your information gathering methods. I can hire a private investigator myself but there is a possibility that this piece of information will be leaked out to the media in one way or another."

Nodding his head, he assured Yuki. "Consider it done." The president tried to lighten his friend's mood by directing his mind to less serious things namely the party he prepared for a certain pink-haired singer and his band – especially since the person in question just burst into the office to drop off a pink rose, planted a long hot kiss on Yuki's lips then danced out of the office off to deliver more of those pink roses, sharing his happiness to the world, or the whole NG building at least.

--

The party was a huge success. It was to celebrate Shuichi's birthday and the success of Bad Luck's latest album. Shuichi couldn't be any happier. He's in the dressing room getting ready for an impromptu mini-concert. This is the second best day of his life – the best was yesterday of course. He have a future with Yuki to look forward to and his career is sky rocketing, for the lack of better term, what would a man ask for. Looking at the ring he swore he'll never take it off, he decided to put a close to that chapter in his life.

He was afraid to ask regarding the past before for he knew whatever it was it hurt him so much that he blocked it out but now he found the courage because he **needs** to. It was unfair for him to ask that favor from Yuki especially with what he did last night but thank God he understood. Tomorrow he'll go to his family to put back the pieces of his lost memory. He knows that all answers will be found with them.

"Shuichi-sama, are you ready? Hiro-sama and Fujisaki-sama are ready, they're waiting for you."

"Hai." He checked himself on the mirror one last time, making sure that the last of the pink roses he brought with him is still pinned to his shirt, then went out the door.

--

It's Saturday and Maiko is cooking something special for lunch; they have a special guest in the house. She doesn't see her family that much; she's so busy with work that she can only be at home a few days a month. She runs a very successful family business handed down in their family for generations. She answered the door when the doorbell rung.

"Shuichi, we're not expecting you. What–" she stopped when she saw Shuichi at the door. There's his smile but also the set of his jaw that she only saw when decided on something.

"Maiko, you're home. Good I have questions for you, also with mom and dad. Are they here?"

"They will be. Come in." Shuichi gave her a pink rose before stepping into the house.

"Ok then, let me just grab some papers that I need. My stuff is still in the attic right?"

"Yes, go right up if you want." Shuichi headed to the attic in search of the papers he needed and to find clues regarding his lost memories. His last option is to ask his family. He knows whatever happened also hurt them, he saw it in their face a few years ago after he woke up in the hospital.

--

"He's here. We need to cancel this." Maiko said as her parents and two guests came into the house, nervously twirling the pink rose she received from Shuichi.

A young woman with short blond hair crouched to the child's level. "Why don't you go play first, it seems lunch is still not ready." The little girl runs off to the direction of the small playroom.

"He's upstairs right now. Sorry about this but you need to go." Maiko said to their guest as soon as they are seated down around the table.

"No." Shuichi's father said. "Did you see the ring on him?" He asked before Maiko can protest.

"Yes, that's why–"

"Then that's enough reason for them to stay. Sooner or later he will find out, if not already – with all those things in the attic."

"Yes but, he saw some of them before but nothing happened."

"But now Shuichi have a strong reason to try finding out."

"Demo–" Maiko stopped when he heard the piano playing in the other room followed by a girl's squeal of delight. "Sugoi.!!" S_he doesn't know how to play the piano that good, there's only one good explanation for this… she can't believe its happening…_ She started to run to the music room.

--

Shuichi was leafing thru some documents when a few pictures fell out.

The first one is a picture of him, Hiro with another child; by the looks of it he's about 7 years old. They are smiling arms around each other with Shuichi in the middle Hiro to his right and the other to his left. They look so happy together. He remembered that day but only with Hiro; he doesn't remember being with another playmate. It has always been him and Hiro since they were small. Shuichi put the picture back in the box.

The second picture shows him being he's a bit older, maybe during junior high school or high school days. It's still the three of them. This time it's showing him closer to the girl than Hiro; it's not the way they were positioned in the photo but a feeling, or an aura between him and the girl, something you can only feel. It made him wonder who the girl is. If they were this close why can't he remember her? He might as well ask Hiro, Shuichi thought as he tucked the photo in his pocket.

He was going to check the other pictures when a ball rolled to his feet.

"Huh? Where did this come from?"

"Hello, can I have my ball back?" a young girl said from the door.

Confused, he tossed the ball back to her. "Who are you? It's the first time I see you here. I know my sister is taking care of you, right?"

"Auntie does that sometimes but I'm with mama, they are downstairs."

"By auntie, you mean Maiko my sister. She and your mom must be closer for her to let you call her that."

"Yeah, I've always called her auntie. We came here for lunch but I guess auntie did something wrong."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because they were always like that when something's wrong. They think I don't notice but I do, because I'm smart; as smart as my dad was." She said with pride.

"Let me guess they asked you to go play somewhere," with her nod Shuichi continued, "then why don't I keep you company while they fix whatever is wrong. What do you want to do?"

"Anou, do you know how to play the piano? The one in the music room? I want to try out the piece I found but it was hard. I can play piano real good but mama said I can play it once I reached dad's level. In fact, he composed it."

"I know how to play the keyboard and synthesizer. I can give it a try. Where's the piece?"

"It's in the music room."

"Ok, come on. I like challenges."

"Me too."

They walked hand in hand to the music room. She showed her the music sheet. He studied it for a minute and gave it all he got. The girl is sitting beside him, watching his fingers closely. After he finished the girl glomped onto him.

"Sugoi!! You played it exactly as my dad did."

"That's one challenging piece, but it's good; really good. Where's you're dad maybe he can work for us."

"He's gone. At least that's what mama says whenever I ask about my dad."

"So you never met him?"

"I guess I did, I have bits of memory more like a feeling I have been with him. If I did, I would have been very young. Can you teach me how to play it please? You're the first one to play it well; even my piano teacher can't play it."

"Ok, but first show me what you can do."

"Ok. Let me get the music sheet I used for my last recital." She stood up, retrieved her bag from the table and was going back to the piano when she spotted Maiko by the door. "Auntie, he's going to teach me the piece my dad made. Isn't it cool? Auntie?"

"Yes… maybe some other time. Your mom said you need to go somewhere."

"But I thought…"

Shuichi's phone rang, he answered it. After a minute he hung up, "Ok see you outside."

"Please go, Yukina. Your mom's in the kitchen." Maiko told Yukina.

"Ok," Yukina turned to Shuichi; "Mister promise me you'll teach me ok?" at Shuichi's nod Yukina went out the door.

"Wait," Shuichi handed Yukina a pink rose then after a moment, he gave her another one. "Give this to your mom too." Yukina gave him a questioning look which Shuichi answered, "Everybody gets a rose today." Yukina accepted his answer with a smile then headed off to the kitchen in search of her mom.

"That was impolite of you. They are your guests, they don't need to leave because of me." Shuichi checked his watch. "Let them stay, Yuki will be picking me up anytime soon anyway. I have what I came for. Give my regards to that kid and her mom." Shuichi said as he retrieved his bag before he headed out to the front door. He handed Maiko two more roses, "Give these to mom and dad."

"What about your questions?"

"Oh that? It can wait. I can always come back here. Go entertain your guests, from the smell wafting from the kitchen they are special."

"Yes, one of the dishes is your all-time your favorite. If you want you can stay… meet our guests?"

"Nah, I'll pass. Yuki is on his way to pick me up and he just cooked those for me the other day. He proposed and he said he got the recipe from mom, can you believe that?"

"Yes, I can believe it. I was there. He asked for their blessing and mine."

Shuichi needed to pick his jaw from the ground. "He did that?! He didn't say anything about that; he just said he talked to them, and you I guess.

"Obviously we gave it, if not then mom wouldn't have given her recipe to him. Remember her rule: 'Family members only'?"

"I still can't believe he did that. Now, I love him more than ever. Thanks Maiko."

"For what?"

"For that info and your blessing. Thank mom and dad too." With that Shuichi left, after seeing Yuki's car pull up on the driveway.

--

Monday morning they started early. K-san gave permission for Shuichi to go run a special errand and he can come in late, around noon (or maybe past lunch if they're lucky). They went straight to the registry to see on how they can get married. The woman asked for their full names.

"Uesugi Eiri" Yuki said.

"Shinichi Shuichi" Shuichi said, receiving a questioning look from Yuki.

"Shinichi Shuichi? I thought your last name is Shindou?" Yuki whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. I just learned about this when we got back home the other day. Remember yesterday, I went to my old house, my parent's house, last saturday? On my birth certificate, Shindou is my middle name. I called mom and she said it's correct naturally I asked about it she just asked me to come by later for her to explain it fully." Shuichi whispered back.

"Ok let me see what we have here." The woman behind the desk said as she checked some files on the computer. After a few minutes she shook he head. "I'm sorry Shinichi-san, I believe you can't marry him."

"Why?!" Both Yuki and Shuichi asked.

"Because it shows here that you're currently married." The woman assisting them explained as she gave Shuichi a disapproving look.

**TBC**

review is very much appreciated


	4. Track 4: Family

AT LAST I'M ALIVE... gomen (1000x) for being so late on updating this fic. I actually have this chapter typed up a few months ago but alas got distracted again and add to that we got excited about goung to Anime North. My sister saw this fanfic contest... at first I was undecided on submitting a fic or not but she had this good idea though I ended up writing most of it TT... the due date finished about a month ago, and mine just got in, just in the nick of time... err I mean entries (since they limited it to either first 50 entries or the due date and guess what, on the due date, it reached over 50 entries. Mine got in as the 45th story)

For anybody curious, that story is AnimeZing Race. I just posted the first 4 chapters. Please chk it out and (as usual) review are mostly apreciated. Thx to those you reviewed me, esp Ri-kun. I finally see what your saying about the tenses (somehow), I was very critical with the AnimeZing Race fic that it took me more than 2 months to finish it and I was always checking for any gramatical errors... though I apologize in advance since this chapter is still not that proofread though, I'll be working on improving my tenses on the next chapters...

Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine... except Yukinari and Yukina... so far (I guess)

**Edit** I just edited the first 4 chapters and made some minor changes or added some minor thing. I noticed the mistakes that I made and made the changes. I would also like to apologize for it has been a while sine I updated this fanfic. I have chapter 5 planned out and on the works to be typed up and chapter 6 is partially planned. Thx for the readers of this fanfic (smile)

**CONFUSED HEART, UNDECIDED HEART**

**Track 4: Family**

"Are you serious?" asked the surprised singer. "How could that happen? I don't remember – " Shuichi gasped, looking back at Yuki. Yuki already thought of it, moments after they were told the reason they can't marry.

"Excuse us." Yuki escorted Shuichi out the building and back to the car. "You said your mom asked you to come today when you asked her about your name. They may be able to answer this. What time are you supposed to meet them?" Yuki said, calm outside but a total wreck inside. He can't give in to his panic for someone needs to be in control, he had always been the thinker in their relationship, Shuichi was more of a doer.

"Lunch, its 10 am now, I can call and see if I can make it earlier." Shuichi flipped his phone open and dialed his parent's home number. "Mom, it's kind of an emergency. Can we come and talk? I just found something out and I need an explanation. I have a feeling both you and dad can answer it, even Maiko," a bit of silence, "I'm at the registry… okay meet you in 10 minutes."

"Let's go. The sooner we talked to them the sooner we can clear this whole mess up." Yuki just nodded and drove to Shuichi's parent's house.

--

"Where are you?" She sighed, hating what she's doing to her son. "You can come here now; we're actually just waiting for you. We need to talk about a lot of things."

After the call, she came back to the living room. "He'll be here earlier than expected. I don't know if we, I, can do this. He just found his happiness…" She sat beside her husband and started crying on his shoulder.

"I know, but we've talked about this since Yuki came here to ask for our blessing."

"I know, but – "

"Shhh, we've had years to get ready for this. I think it's harder for her." He said nodding toward another person in the room. She's sitting with Maiko apparently nervous. "I just hope this will not turn into another disaster." Everybody agreed but can't help feeling that it has always been a disaster since that fateful night.

--

"You ready?" Shuichi asked, anxious to get it, whatever it is, over with. He hesitated pressing the doorbell. Yuki being strong for Shuichi pressed it for him.

Maiko answered the door. "Shuichi we've been wait–" She stopped upon seeing Yuki by her brother's side. "Yuki, I didn't expect you'd be with him…"

"I wasn't going to be here but imagine my surprise when we went to the registry this morning. I know you know something about what's happening and I need to learn what it is."

"Yes, we won't deny it; we've been trying to get the good opportunity to try opening part of his forgotten – unwanted – past." Shuichi's parents said, they are behind Maiko waiting for them to come in. "Please come in, we can talk better in the living room."

There was huge uncomfortable silence once everyone is seated. Shuichi and Yuki are sitting together on a loveseat, sitting so close together that another person can sit with them, holding each other's hand. Shuichi's parents and Maiko are sitting across them on the couch, waiting who will break the silence.

Yuki let them gather their thoughts for a few minutes, knowing that they hold the answer to his and Shuichi's future. When he can no longer stand the silence, Yuki broke the silence with a question. "Is Shuichi really married?"

The three looked at each other and with nod from her father Maiko answered for them. "Yes. He was," she saw Shuichi's eyes fill with hope and hated herself when she continued, "and still married." She saw Shuichi's face fell with the gravity of what she confirmed. Shuichi and Yuki can't get married.

Yuki slammed his fist against the coffee table between them, making everybody in the room jump including Shuichi. "Then why? Why did all of you give your blessing knowing that I can't marry him?"

The three across him just looked at each other, wanting the other to spill it out. But another voice answered for them. "Because I said so," said a young woman from the doorway. "Pardon me for butting in dad but I can no longer stand it. You said I should just wait but all three of you are making it harder for everybody." Shuichi's dad nodded.

"Excuse me, I think I've met you before but who are you?" Shuichi asked.

The young woman sighed, "You still don't remember. I was expecting that. I'm Shinichi Yukinari; your wife."

Shuichi gasped and held Yuki's hand tighter. Yuki squeezed his hand back in reassurance. "Yukinari… you had a dream about that person."

"When?"

"Same night I proposed. Remember, I shook you awake and asked you about a Yukinari."

"Yeah, I remember about you waking me up and asking me about it but I can't remember about a dream." Shuichi tried hard to remember, feeling that it is urgent for him to remember, suddenly a piercing pain sliced through his head. He groaned and doubled over, hands on his head.

"What's happening?" Yuki asked as he held Shuichi against his side, worried about him.

"Shuichi, stop it…. " Maiko said but Shuichi continued squirming in pain, "SHUICHI STOP IT! I SAID STOP IT! Stop trying to remember anything. We'll tell you everything we know." Maiko pleaded to her brother.

Shuichi tried it; somehow the pain receded but was so exhausted that he needed to lie on Yuki's lap. His mom brought him a glass of water.

Caressing Shuichi's hair, calming Shuichi and himself, Yuki decided that he waited too long and will settle for nothing but everything about this situation being cleared out, NOW. "Explain from the very beginning, I want the truth **now**." Yuki said in his coldest voice.

Yukinari took over. She told them everything she knows from the start, on the tight friendship they had with Hiro, their junior and high school years. They got married as soon as Shuichi got his college degree when asked, she told them it was when both of them graduated high school. When asked to explain further, she explained what a genius Shuichi was, that he had an uncanny ability to be successful at anything he set his mind to. His parents knew about him being a genius, a prodigy, but also found out that it would be most advisable to let him go through normal school stages.

His parents watched a show where the child was 'the world's smartest boy' but later study found him wanting on some areas because he skipped too much in school. So what his parent's did is to have him attend high school but also take online courses for a college degree in a well-known university. That is why when he graduated high school he also graduated college at the top of his class for both. After that he took over managing both of their families' company. They had good marriage during the first year but started getting rocky after that. Then one day something happened that he had an episode and ended up forgetting anything that is connected to Yukinari.

"You must have done something wrong then." Yuki said.

"Yuki don't say that" Shuichi said, surprised at what Yuki was saying. He is still having a hard time digesting all the things Yukinari told them.

"No, Shuichi its okay." She turned to Yuki, "I did something wrong to him that I can never forgive myself. That's why when Shuichi woke up in the hospital after his episode; I swore that I will do everything I can to make him happy.

We were advised not to force him to remember me, that is the reason why I decided to remove myself from him. Mom and Dad, your parents, were against it but they can see it was hard for everybody. We swore that once we can see you're ready for the truth or you somehow found out something about then it we will tell you about your missing memory, or at least what we know of it, hence the meeting today.

As for the blessing thing, I've heard from his parents and Maiko what you did that day asking for their blessing. I also follow your story on the news, so I know what's going on. So I told them that it's okay to give them their blessing, they wanted to give their blessing but they just wanted to check with me first. When the time comes I will gladly sign divorce papers or whatever to make it work for both of you."

"You'll do that for me?" Shuichi asked. At Yukinari's nod, "Since we were, are," Shuichi corrected himself, "married that means we cared or loved each other, why would you do such a thing as divorcing me. Don't you love me anymore? Is that why I had that episode?"

"I did love you, I still care about you. That is why I'm doing this, don't you see. I did something wrong, extremely wrong, to you and I want to make everything right by you. If it means divorcing you so that you can marry the one you love then I will do that."

"Thank you… I guess." Shuichi said

"If you don't mind me asking, what is this 'extreme wrong' that you made to Shuichi?" Yuki asked.

Before Yukinari can answer Yuki's question, a small voice from the door caught their attention. "Does that mean he is my father, Mama?" Yukina asked while staring curiously at Shuichi, excitement clearly mirrored in her eyes.

"We have a daughter?" Shuichi asked, equally curious and surprised, while staring at the young girl he talked to a couple of days ago. Yukinari nodded. It was too much for one day and he felt himself falling before everything blacked out.

**TBC**

review is very much appreciated. Chapter 5 will be coming up in 1-2 weeks; I just need to type it from a rough draft.


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